Just Tired

One's suffering disappears when one lets oneself go, when one yields - even to sadness.  

~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Sometimes I wish I was a kid again. Those times were the easy times. We were all carefree and knew exactly what we wanted. I just wish things would work out in my favor like they seem to do when I was a kid. I want to get what I really want just once in my life. It's always a constant struggle for me in life so why can't I come out winning? Some days I lose hope and think that what I really want in life right now can never be. I look around at other people and see what they have. Of course, I'm jealous. I know I shouldn't be because I should love and appreciate everything I have. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate everything I have been given in my life, but sometimes I wish I would come out on top. I want to be the person who gets what they never thought they could get. I think I deserve it. I've been through a lot in life, so why can't it be my time to "win the prize?" Sometimes I wish I could make people understand that it's all or nothing because quite frankly I'm tired - tired of being second best, tired of getting pushed aside, tired of being told I'm perfect just the way I am, but yet I'm not good enough? I just want to be taken care for once. No one will ever understand how I feel because I'm scared to tell anyone (even my closest friends) how I really feel. I think if I tell, I'll jinx everything and cause my chances to be taken away. In reality, I know that I don't stand a chance because we can only change ourselves, not someone else. But sometimes, wouldn't it be nice if someone would change for us? I'm not talking about changing who a person is. I'm talking about a person changing their mind and realize that I am the best choice and see that they miss me. Maybe one day my time will come and maybe it will never come. No one can know for sure.