Advice

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

I want everyone to follow this quote so you do not get hurt like I did. Everyone deserves a shot at love and if you are not fully ready to give it to a girl, please don't. Do not start a relationship without being fully ready to love again. It hurts to find out that the boy you fell in love with is still in love with his ex. That is all I really have to say for now. Guys please take that to heart.

Going my own way

Why Georgia is a song performed by John Mayer. I have been listening to it a lot recently. John Mayer's songs seem to fit my life right now.

I am driving up 85 in the
Kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
just stuck inside the gloom
4 more exits to my apartment but
I am tempted to keep the car in drive
And leave it all behind

Cause I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life

Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?

I rent a room and I fill the spaces with
Wood in places to make it feel like home
But all I feel's alone
It might be a quarter life crisis
Or just the stirring in my soul

Either way I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life

Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?

So what, so I've got a smile on
But it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head
Don't believe me
When I say I've got it down

Everybody is just a stranger but
That's the danger in going my own way
I guess it's the price I have to pay
Still "everything happens for a reason"
Is no reason not to ask myself

If I am living it right
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why Georgia, why?

Focus

I believe in the brotherhood of all men, but I don't believe in wasting brotherhood on anyone who doesn't want to practice it with me. Brotherhood is a two-way street. ~ Malcolm X 

Someone gave a friend of mine advice tonight. They said that you shouldn't be friends with someone who is not always there for you, even though you may always be there for them. I've heard this advice before, but didn't really think much of it because I figured I did this already. After reflecting on this, I realized that I do not do this. I continue to be a great friend to those who have hurt me and continue to hurt me. It isn't fair that I expect something from them, when in reality they are using me for either attention or just to have someone around. Sometimes I stand back and wonder- do they really care about me? Sure, they may say it, but in the grand scheme of things, do they even consider me a true friend. I've had my share of these type of people that caused me to wonder and just now have I accepted the fact that I cannot be there for someone who is not there for me. So from this post forward, I will not be putting my time into friendships where the other person does not put in their time as well. A friendship is a mutual relationship where the other person tries to continue it, just like me.

Perfectly Lonely

This is a song done by John Mayer. I recently discovered it and it has made me realize that love happens when you least expect it. Until then, live life for you.

Had a little love, but I spread it thin
Falling in her arms and out again
Made a bad name for my game around town
Tore up my heart, and shut it down

Nothing to do
Nowhere to be
A simple little kind of free
Nothing to do
No one but me
And that's all I need

I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely (Yeah)
'Cause I don't belong to anyone
Nobody belongs to me

I see friends around from time to time
When their ladies let them slip away
And when they ask me how I'm doing with mine
This is always what I say

Nothing to do
Nowhere to be
A simple little kind of free
Nothing to do
No one to be
Is it really hard to see

Why I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely (Yeah)
'Cause I don't belong to anyone
Nobody belongs to me

And this is not to say
There never comes a day
I'll take my chances and start again
And when I look behind
On all my younger times
I have to thank the wrongs that led me to a love so strong

I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely (Yeah)
'Cause I don't belong to anyone
Nobody belongs to me

(It's the way, it's the way, it's the way that I want it)

Music is the heart to our soul

Music was my refuge.  I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.  ~ Maya Angelou

It's weird. Whatever I seem to be feeling a song tends to comes through the speakers that talks directly to my feelings. I love when I am in a mood, I know exactly which type of music and which playlist I want to listen to. Music speaks the words I cannot. It expresses what I am really feeling when I am afraid to share it with others. I love how a single song can trigger a memory in my head just by listening to its melody and lyrics. Music speaks so much about a person. If you know what a person's favorite song is, you can really learn a lot about them. It's even interesting to find out a little about yourself by looking at what types of songs you listen to. Music can take you out of a funk that you may be in and make yourself realize that you can get through anything. I like songs that have meaning behind them. I like to know that there was an intention about writing a song and that it is written about a certain event in the artist's life. This helps me identify with them and lets me know that I am not the only one going through a certain event. I know that just like them, I will overcome anything as well.

Just Tired

One's suffering disappears when one lets oneself go, when one yields - even to sadness.  

~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Sometimes I wish I was a kid again. Those times were the easy times. We were all carefree and knew exactly what we wanted. I just wish things would work out in my favor like they seem to do when I was a kid. I want to get what I really want just once in my life. It's always a constant struggle for me in life so why can't I come out winning? Some days I lose hope and think that what I really want in life right now can never be. I look around at other people and see what they have. Of course, I'm jealous. I know I shouldn't be because I should love and appreciate everything I have. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate everything I have been given in my life, but sometimes I wish I would come out on top. I want to be the person who gets what they never thought they could get. I think I deserve it. I've been through a lot in life, so why can't it be my time to "win the prize?" Sometimes I wish I could make people understand that it's all or nothing because quite frankly I'm tired - tired of being second best, tired of getting pushed aside, tired of being told I'm perfect just the way I am, but yet I'm not good enough? I just want to be taken care for once. No one will ever understand how I feel because I'm scared to tell anyone (even my closest friends) how I really feel. I think if I tell, I'll jinx everything and cause my chances to be taken away. In reality, I know that I don't stand a chance because we can only change ourselves, not someone else. But sometimes, wouldn't it be nice if someone would change for us? I'm not talking about changing who a person is. I'm talking about a person changing their mind and realize that I am the best choice and see that they miss me. Maybe one day my time will come and maybe it will never come. No one can know for sure.

The Shadow

Trouble is part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you enough chance to love you enough.  ~ Dinah Shore

The age old saying here is opposites attract. In many cases, I feel like this is true. Many people find themselves attracted to their opposites. Today in my psychology class, we discussed this idea of opposites attracting (which we called our "shadow") and examined why this tends to happen. I believe that people are attracted to others who are not exactly like them because the opposite tends to fill a void in someone's life. It is like they are the missing puzzle piece that is needed to make a complete person. The opposite tends to draw out what the person is missing in their life. I believe this is true in every sense. That is why it is often so hard to let go. We don't want to have that void back in our life again. We want to remain happy and want to share our lives with someone else who is not exactly the same as ourselves. This enables us to learn a lot about ourselves in the process. It is sad when we must let the opposite go and it even sadder when we never wanted to but we had to because it was what was right for the other person - our opposite. I guess in the end, we never do let go of our opposite (or puzzle piece), but we learn to live without seeing them all the time or talking to them everyday. One day, the pain of not having our compliment there will hopefully lessen and cause us to be able to finally move on and if not, maybe one day we will be able to be together again. Only time may tell.